Thursday, 31 May 2012

C & H

Calvin and Hobbes

Out of Line

A Kentucky Fried Chicken advert featuring call centre workers singing with their mouths full is the most complained-about UK campaign of all time, the official watchdog has revealed.  Here is the full list, via TTel:

1. Yum Restaurants (UK) Ltd (KFC) (2005) 1,671 complaints - (complaints) not upheld
TV ad showed call centre workers singing with their mouths full. Many objected it could encourage bad manners amongst children.
2. Auction World Ltd (2004) 1,360 complaints - licence revoked
Shopping channel Auctionworld's consistently poor customer service, misleading guide prices and delays in delivery of goods resulted in a flurry of complaints, which were passed to Ofcom who issued a fine and revoked its licence to broadcast.
3. Paddy Power plc (2010) 1,313 complaints - not upheld
Viewers complained that the image of a cat being kicked across a pitch by a blind football player was offensive to blind people and could encourage animal cruelty

4. The Christian Party (2009) 1,204 complaints - not upheld
People objected that the strap line 'There definitely is a God. So join the Christian Party and enjoy your life' was offensive to atheists and couldn't be substantiated
Atheists complained the claim made by the Christian Party could not be substantiated.
5. British Safety Council (1995) 1,192 complaints - upheld
Leaflet featured the Pope wearing a hard hat with the strap line "The Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt always wear a condom". Although intended to raise awareness for National Condom Week and promote safer sex, the ASA agreed with complainants that it was offensive to Roman Catholics
Roman Catholics complained at the use of the Pope's image to promote condoms was offensive
6. Marie Stopes International (2010) 1,088 complaints - not upheld
A TV ad offering sexual and reproductive healthcare advice, information and services attracted complaints for various reasons, including that it promoted abortion

7. Volkswagen Group Ltd (2008) 1,070 complaints - upheld in part
The ASA upheld, in part, against ad campaign that depicted an engineer fighting multiple versions of himself. The ASA ruled that the level of violence in two of the ads meant they should only be shown after the 9pm watershed

8. Yves St Laurent Beaute Ltd (2000) 948 complaints - upheld
The ASA agreed with public complaints that a poster ad for Opium perfume featuring a naked Sophie Dahl was sexually suggestive and likely to cause serious or widespread offence
This YSL advert featuring Sophie Dahl was banned
9. Department of Energy and Climate Change (2010) 939 complaints - upheld in part
The ASA received objections that this TV and press campaign about climate change was misleading and scaremongering. The ASA didn't agree with the majority of the objections, but did uphold complaints about claims in some of the press ads for exaggerating the likelihood and impact of extreme weather conditions
DECC ran four associated nursery rhyme themed press ads over the course of October, November and December 2009
10.Barnardo's (2008) 840 complaints - not upheld
Designed to raise awareness of domestic child abuse, the TV campaign featured repeated scenes of violence and drug taking, which many viewers found upsetting and not suitable for broadcast at times when children were likely to be watching

Outrageous

Spectators hoping to celebrate British Olympic medals with a drink at the Games face paying the equivalent of more than £7 for a pint of beer, organisers have said.  Bars at the official Games venues will charge £4.80 for a small serving of London 2012 red wine.  For visitors with an appetite for traditional British fare, a portion of cod and chips will set them back at least £8.

The London 2012 organisers, who published sample menus yesterday, claimed the prices were “more than comparable”* to catering costs at other sporting events.  An estimated 14 million meals will be served to spectators across 40 locations during the Games.

A 330ml bottle of Heineken lager at the Games will cost £4.20, making the equivalent price of a pint £7.23.  This is more than double the national average price of £3.17 for a pint of beer.  A family of four should be able to buy food and drinks for under £40, according to London 2012.

Spectators will pay £2.10 for a toasted teacake, £2.30 for a 500 ml bottle of Coca-Cola and £2 for a cup of tea.  The Olympic menus are intended to emphasis the international and multicultural nature of the event, with curries, jerk chicken and Singapore noodle dishes alongside traditional British favourites such as toasted teacakes and porridge**.

Excuse-the-fuck-me?

**Who in their right mind is going to order a bowl of porridge at a sports event?  More so, how much will they get stuffed up for it?  Twenty quid?

*I really wish everyone stayed at home and showed these greedy bastards what's what- how is this in anyway a fair and reasonable pricing structure?

Tardy Southpaws

Left-handed people are three times more likely to be late than right-handed people.

I Wouldn't Know


The Science of Getting Drunk

Rip Off Britain

The economic recovery is being hindered by the “weak competition” between British firms making higher profits than in other countries.  British consumers face “high prices” on the high street and taxes on travel and property in excess of any other European country, the European Commission warns.

The Commission also concluded that the cost of rail travel in this country is “around 70% higher than the average cost” of comparable systems while “aviation is taxed more than in any other member state”.  It also concluded that property taxes were the highest in the EU.

In its official assessment of the British economy, the Commission revised down its prediction of economic growth this year.  It is now forecasting that the British economy will grow by just 0.5% this year– with unemployment peaking at 8.5%.  The country fell back into a double-dip recession during the first three months of 2012.

The Commission suggests that the ConDem’s economic strategy may have to be altered as spending cuts “must be balanced by more investment”.  The Treasury is likely to come under pressure to boost the credit-easing scheme to use government money to effectively underwrite infrastructure and other building schemes.

The EC analysis also warned that the expensive system of childcare in this country was undermining the effectiveness of British workers. It added that a growing number of teenagers are leaving school with deficient skills for the workplace.

More at TTel

It Pays to be Green

Motorists face having to pay increased road tax as the Treasury considers plans to claw back hundreds of millions of pounds in revenue that will be lost as drivers opt for greener cars.

TTel has learnt that government officials have begun private discussions with the motoring industry and drivers’ groups about an overhaul of the Vehicle Excise Duty (VED) rules.

The talks come as ministers try to prevent a fall in tax revenues as more motorists choose smaller, cleaner cars that incur a lower rate of duty.  They say that while they have not finalised their plans, changes may be necessary to ensure the “sustainability of the public finances”.  One option being considered would replace the annual tax on cars with a one-off up-front charge on new vehicles when they are sold.

A Treasury minister, told the Commons last week that ministers are “considering whether Vehicle Excise Duty should be reformed to support the sustainability of public finances and to reflect the improvements in vehicle fuel efficiency”.  As part of that process, motoring groups and other interested parties have been invited into the Treasury to discuss potential changes to VED.

Fancy being fined for doing the right thing...

IQ Overload


Balotelli is a genius according to Balotelli
Manchester City and Italy footballer Mario Balotelli has claimed in a recent interview that he is in fact a genius, despite all evidence pointing to him actually being a deluded simpleton.
A series of high profile incidents have seen the striker struggle for several minutes with the complicated tasks of putting a training bib on, throwing darts at youth team players, and set fire to his bathroom by setting off fireworks indoors.
However Balotelli continues to insist that he is definitely a genius.
“A lot of us geniussers have the occasional problem what less clever people can’t really relate to.” said the man affectionately known as Super Mario, while drooling slightly.
“Besides, putting a bib on is harder than it looks. Everybody says that Stephen Hawking is a genius because he knows about space and stuff, but at a recent Mensa meeting I gave him a bib to put on for a 5-a-side game and he was hopeless.”
“He had to get somebody to put it on for him in the end, it was all a bit embarrassing.”

Balottelli ‘above average’

Balotelli then reminded everybody just how much money he earns, pointing to this as evidence of his genius.
“I’m rich, so I must be clever. If other people were all more cleverer than me then why don’t they earn as much as me?”
“Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a Mensa party to go to where we’re going to going to light a campfire and throw petrol cans on top of it.”
“We’re having it in a shed just in case it rains, because that’s the sort of thing you think of when you’re a genius.”

Going for Broke


Romney iPhone app
America has breathed a huge sigh of relief after Mitt Romney revealed, via an iPhone app, that he is to abandon his bid to challenge to Barack Obama in November’s US presidential election, and will instead run for leadership of the little known country of Amercia.
Amercia, also known as the Untied Tastes, has been without leadership since it was formed several hours ago, and Romney has declared his intention to create a better Amercia for all Amercians.
In a speech aired on Amercian television, Romney said, “Amercia is the land of the feer, and I pledge my alley giants to it.”
Mr Romney went on to say he would be “fumbled” if he became the first Moomin to lead Amercia.
“I would be deeply hammered if Amercians gave me their support and I would be fumbled to have won enough delegates to become the Republican Panty presidential neminoo.”

Romney iPhone App

Mr Romney also went on to say he was confident of defeating his Nemocrap challenger in the race for the Whitesnake, Ribrack O’Llama.
“I’m sure that the Amercians will reject Mr O’Llama in favour of my plan for full deployment and profanity.”
All indications are that Amercians face the possibility of a cliffhanger election in November, which will be decided by relatively small percentages of voters in tastes, such as ohohio and Vaginia.
The next question of the campaign is who Mr Romney will pick as his vile-prestidenial ruining mute.
In the running for the position are Flordia minotaur Marco Rubio, Vaginia govertron Bob McDonnell and Repubelican budgie architect Paul Ryan.

Happy Returns of the Day

6 million Britons plan to throw a house party and they will spend a total of £424 million on food, drink and bunting.

More than 6 500 roads across the country will be closed this weekend to accommodate the many thousands of street parties being held.

Millions will also hope to catch a glimpse of the Queen as she takes in the Epsom Derby on Saturday, a river pageant on the Thames on Sunday and a jubilee concert featuring Sir Paul McCartney on Monday.  Thousands of jubilee beacons will also be lit across Britain and the Commonwealth on Monday.

London Underground will be running near-normal services over the weekend, with only the Waterloo & City line not operating and with part-suspensions on the London Overground line.

Many train services to and from the capital will be providing additional trains or carriages, with the exception of the Stansted Express, which will be replaced by buses.  Eurostar said tomorrow would be its busiest day of the weekend with 30 000 passengers travelling between Britain and mainland Europe.

Heathrow Airport will be rolling out the red carpet to passengers as it expects 780 000 overseas travellers to arrive over the celebrations.  The Association of British Travel Agents said about  4 million people planned a holiday in Britain over the weekend, with 2 million going abroad.

Have a great time and hopefully the weather will hold.

Pipless

If all the empty space were removed from all the atoms in the universe, the resulting matter would only be about the size of a grapefruit.

Good Mixer


Browse more Food infographics.

Must Have


BRITONS have been reminded that having a strong desire for spicy meat is not a reason to dial 999.
Not a life support machine
The NHS issued the statement following a weekend of overwhelming calls requesting ambulance services, many of which proved to be from drunk people wanting food delivered.
An NHS spokesman said: “The 999 service exists to help those in urgent need of medical help and does not offer doners, chips or ‘extra fucking hot chili sauce’.
“Also our call centre operatives are not all called ‘Kostos’, nor are they prepared to wait on the line while you ‘just see what everyone else wants’.”
Health secretary Andrew Lansley now plans to change the emergency services’ number to 651042901178054 in a bid to stop drunkards getting through.
He said: “Although this is not a cost-cutting measure, it may also prevent less tenacious sober people getting in touch, which is no terrible thing given that ambulance services will soon be cut to a single Green Goddess and a police community support officer with a box of plasters riding a child’s tricycle.
“However I don’t want to completely rule out selling the ambulance service to a fast food corporation, for example Domino’s Pizza.
“If there was a heart attack in the same household where someone also really wanted a stuffed-crust Meat Feast it would be a win-win situation.
“Alternately I suppose you could wait until they’d eaten the Meat Feast, there’s a fair chance of some palpitations.”
DM 

Out To Lunch


ALMOST two-thirds of British people have appeared on Channel 4′s Come Dine With Me, it has emerged.
The asparagus tasted 'like cock'
According to new research by the Institute for Studies, the entire UK population will have participated in the show by 2018, making it the most complete survey of British society since the Domesday Book.
The show sends four stereotypes to each other’s houses for bad food, booze and backbiting, while a man’s voice takes the piss out of them.
Historian Tom Logan said: “Never have so many people, from the very bottom of the social ladder to just under halfway up, had their lives so thoroughly documented.
“Future generations will know what we ate, what we drank, how pathetically desperate we were for a shag and exactly what constituted ‘a good laugh’.
“By viewing Come Dine With Methey will be able to judge us and despise us just as we despise ourselves.”
Come Dine With Me, which screens eight hour-long new episodes every day, is now the country’s sixth-biggest industry.
More than 22,000 interns are employed to deliver menus to contestants pretending to be at their place of work each lunchtime, and drivers are advised to avoid the 11pm rush hour when Britain’s roads are jammed with taxis full of drunken, costumed backstabbers.
Researchers analysing the data provided by 40 million Come Dine With Mecontestants now believe the UK is composed of four personality types: flamboyant gay man, overweight obsessive-compulsive gourmet, weirdo loner and middle-aged tart.
 DM

Real Cakes

Taken from MTV:

"Riduculousness"

"Lost"

Credit: ABC

"The Simpsons"

"South Park"

Credit: ClintJCL

"Seinfeld"

"24"

"Arrested Development"

"Dexter"


Credit: Shay Can Bake

"Breaking Bad"


Credit: Heisen Lolz

"Walker, Texas Ranger"


Credit: Cake Central

"Saved by the Bell"


Credit: jvmu1919

"Battlestar Galactica"


Credit: iGeekTrooper

"Mad Men"


Credit: Ranch Dressing

"The X-Files"


Credit: Cake Central

"Futurama"

"Flight of the Conchords"

Credit: FY!FOTC

"It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"

Credit: Cake Central

Time to Go

More people die in September than any other month.

Have at Thee

Not for the UK

Top 10 Ways to Beat the Heat as per Life Hacker:

10. Ignore the Temperature
Heat fatigue might all be in your head. A study tested cyclists in different temperatures and found that the only ones who actually experienced heat fatigue were the ones who knew how hot it was. If you don't know, you don't really suffer from fatigue. Whether you're riding your bike or just walking around, avoid any instincts to check the temperature. If you don't know how hot it is, you'll probably feel better.

9. Keep Drinks Cooler by Freezing Water in Milk Containers

When you're bringing cold drinks out to the beach, the pool, the yard, the edge of a hellscape, or any other sunny outdoor area, you want them to actually stay cold. Ice does the trick, but transporting tons of ice can be a pain. Instead of buying bags of the stuff, just save some old milk cartons, fill them up with water, and freeze them. Because they're blocky they fit nicely in the cooler. If you need smaller blocks, just peel off the carton and crush the ice a bit. It's an easier and cheaper solution.

8. Hydrate Any Way You Can

Top 10 Ways to Beat the HeatThe are a lot of hydration myths—like drinking soda doesn't help you at all or if you feel thirsty you're already dehydrated—andwe've busted most of them. Water will often be your best bet when you need to stay hydrated, but it isn't your only option. If you only have soda or a sports drink, it can still help. You also don't need to drink eight glasses of whatever every single day. Just drink whenever you're thirsty and you should be in pretty good shape.

7. Beat the Bugs

Top 10 Ways to Beat the HeatWhen the heat wave comes, bugs often come with it. If you want to avoid these insects, there are quite a few things you can do. First, you want to make sure you're buying DEET-based bug spray because it's the most effective. You can also save yourself some cash by making your own citronella candles,outdoor torches, and bug traps. You can even ward off ants with chalk. So long as you're prepared, you shouldn't be bothered too much by the bugs.

6. Get the Hot Air Out of Your Car Fast

Every year I forget that leaving my car out in the sun makes the entire thing hot to the touch, which is especially unpleasant when you're not expecting it. While cooling off a hot car is always going to take a little time,there's a Japanese trick to get the stuffy air out fast. Basically, you open two parallel doors on your car, then open and close one of those doors repeatedly about five times. This pushes the warm air out and the cool air in. It's a really clever trick that only takes a minute. Just make sure you don't accidentally shut your hand in the door.

5. Stay Cool While You Sleep

When you're asleep, you can't actively combat the heat. You also probably have a tough time getting to sleep when you're overheating as it is. There are plenty of ways to stay cool at night so you can sleep comfortably despite the heat. For example, you can build your own air conditioner (oruse an alternative method), get a cooling pillow like the Chillow, and put your sheets in the fridge before bedtime. Trial and error will decide which methods work best for you, but all will get you closer to a cool night's rest.

4. Keep Your Computer Cool

An overheating computer is a fire hazard. It's very important to keep it cool, especially in hot weather. If you don't have the best cooling system on your machine—especially if your home isn't air conditioned—you're going to want to look at getting a better one. The upcoming heat is also a great excuse to go inside your desktop and start blowing out all the dust. A cleaner computer will run a bit cooler, and it'll help you avoid a fire starting inside your case. For more tips and details on everything you need to do, check out our complete guide to keeping your computer cool.

3. Use the Heat to Your Advantage

When you know how heat works, you can use it to your advantage. To do that, all you really need is a basic understanding of thermodynamics. Then you'll know how to use heat to open jars more easily, how to dress to stay cooler, and how to keep your house from turning into an oven. It's science you can use!

2. Understand Sun Screen

Top 10 Ways to Beat the HeatSunscreen doesn't actually work the way you think. First of all, most of them don't do anything and so you're wasting your time. If you're not buying a sunscreen that contains both zinc oxide and titanium dioxide, you're wasting your money. You also need to make sure you understand what an SPF rating is. SPF isn't like a sunscreen power level, but rather what determines how long the sunscreen will last before you need to reapply it. To better-understand SPF and learn about how sunscreen actually works, check out this infographic.

1. Learn Your Body's Cooling Spots for Temperature Reduction on the Quick

We all know that cooling off involves coming into contact with something cooler than ourselves (like The Fonz), but that personal temperature reduction can happen a lot faster if you know your body's quick cooling spots. Your neck and wrists are two of the best, but the top of your feet and insides of your ankles work, too (plus a few others). Just focus your ice pack, or whatever you're using too cool yourself, on those areas and you'll beat the heat in no time.