Wednesday, 13 December 2017

Said and Done

Germany, 8 Nov: Cologne president Werner Spinner on coach Peter Stöger: “The team and the coach are a unit. People say he’s too friendly with the players, they say players should fear the coach – what a conservative view that is. My view is different. If the coach had no relationship with the team, then sack him. If the team aren’t listening to the coach, then sack him. But our coach has a relationship, and they listen to him. So why on earth sack him?” 3 Dec: Sacks him.


Not for a Jellyfish...

Well Said

Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
George Ade
US dramatist & humorist (1866 - 1944)


A British man changed his name to Tim Pppppppppprice to make it harder for telemarketers to pronounce.

News Thump

back of Christmas tree
The back of your Christmas tree looks like complete garbage, according to sources today.
A leaked report indicates that you have chosen to ignore the side of the tree that is wedged into the corner of the room, choosing only to dangle shiny trinkets in those areas you feel will secure you the most praise.
“This is just typical of the way Christmas trees are treated in today’s low-attention society, you people have no depth at all,” explained a spokesperson for Christmas trees everywhere.
“Sure, we understand the front of the tree gets the glory, it’s always the side on which people lavish their praise – but did you really have to ignore the back so completely? It doesn’t have a single bauble. Not one.
“You’ve even pulled the lights tighter at the back to give you more dangle room at the front – are you trying to garrot the bloody thing?”
Christmas tree owner Simon Williams said he didn’t see the point in decorating the back of his tree.
He told us, “Look; no-one’s going to see it, so what’s the point of wasting decorations on it?”
“Oh, so a tree can’t feel nice at Christmas, is that what you’re saying,” replied our tree spokesperson.
“It would be a shame if someone were to pay you a visit in the middle of the night and rotate it 180 degrees.”
However, William’s cat told us such drastic measures were unwarranted, explaining, “Oh he’ll see the back of it alright – when he’s picking the thing up off the floor later on tonight.”

Game On

Spurs play host to Brighton, with Chris Hughton their manager coming back to "The Lane" (at Wembley) having played for Tottenham for nearly 400 games.

I like him, thought he was treated disgracefully by Newcastle where he got fired but much as I do like him, I still want us to take all three points.  Especially as we have Man City on the weekend.

The Toon host Everton and really need a result badly.  I reckon they may well pull it off but it's going to be close.

  • Tottenham have won four of their last five games against Brighton in all competitions.
  • However, Brighton won 2-1 in the most recent league meeting in 1983 - the Seagulls were relegated from Division One that season.
  • The sides last met in the League Cup in October 2014, with Spurs winning 2-0 at home courtesy of goals from Erik Lamela and Harry Kane.
Tottenham Hotspur
  • Spurs have earned just eight points from seven games but ended a four-match winless run in the Premier League by beating Stoke 5-1 on Saturday.
  • Mauricio Pochettino's side have dropped nine points in their first eight Premier League games at Wembley this season, as many as in their last 23 league games at White Hart Lane.
  • Tottenham's total of four league defeats this season is already as many as in the entirety of the previous campaign.
  • Harry Kane has scored 33 Premier League goals in 2017, only three behind Alan Shearer's record of 36 in a calendar year, set in 1995.
  • Son Heung-Min has been involved in nine goals in his last 11 appearances for Tottenham, scoring six and setting up three.
Brighton & Hove Albion
  • The Seagulls have failed to score a goal in the five away games they have played against sides currently above them in the league.
  • They have attempted fewer shots than any other side in the Premier League this season (135).
  • Brighton have failed to win on their three previous trips to Wembley - losing the FA Cup final to Manchester United 4-0 in a replay after a 2-2 draw, and losing the 1991 second tier play-off final 3-1 against Notts County.
  • They have conceded seven goals from corners, a league high.
  • Manager Chris Hughton made 398 appearances for Tottenham between 1979 and 1990, winning the FA Cup in 1981 and 1982, and the UEFA Cup in 1984.

For Your Information

There have been many all-in-one Netflix-style direct streaming movie and TV show apps but without doubt, Terrarium TV is the uncrowned king. Utilizing non-BitTorrent streaming from public sources, TTV has built up a significant following but after the disappearance of its website recently, its future is now uncertain.
In early 2014, Popcorn Time turned the consumer end of the piracy world upside down. Utilizing a BitTorrent backend and a beautiful interface, Popcorn Time certainly lived up to its promise of being the Netflix for Pirates. Adopted by millions of users, it soon became a household name.
In the months and years to come, Popcorn Time grabbed hundreds of headlines. However, aside from the app’s success, much of what followed was negative in tone as the entertainment industries struggled to contain this new kid on the block.
Since then, of course, Kodi and its numerous illicit third-party addons have become massive news, stepping over Popcorn Time to become the most talked about and consumer-friendly of piracy tools. In the background, however, other applications have been making steady and indeed somewhat stealthy progress.
One of these applications is Terrarium TV. Built exclusively for the Android platform and equally at home on a phone, tablet, streaming stick or set-top box, this software has gained a cult but significant following. For those out of the loop, it will be the most important piracy app they’ve never heard of, despite its Facebook page alone attracting close to 200,000 members.
In many respects, Terrarium TV resembles Popcorn Time. It has a beautiful Netflix-style interface, pulling movie and TV show artwork and metadata from several sources to make what some consider to be the best all-in-one streaming app for Android, period. While Kodi is no doubt powerful and Popcorn Time has one hell of a reputation, Terrarium TV makes viewing simplicity itself. And it really does cater to everyone.
Terrarium TV – A category for everyone
If people are worried about Popcorn Time due to its BitTorrent-based streaming, Terrarium TV has that covered. Every single stream offered by the app is conjured up from public sources such as file-hosting sites and even GoogleVideo. On the whole, streaming is of an extremely high-quality with dozens of sources offered for most content, whether that’s the latest Hollywood movies, blockbuster TV shows, or decades-old rarities.
The quality is impressive too. While 4K rips are best left to the BitTorrent crowd with bandwidth to spare, Terrarium TV manages to conjure up a bewildering range of content in an impressive array of qualities. HD is commonplace and barely a search goes by without a corresponding source alongside. And with multi-language subtitle and Chromecast support, the icing is placed on top of what is an extremely competent cake.
But despite all the accolades, Terrarium TV has an uncertain future.
Over a week ago – the site from where the application has been seamlessly delivered for some time – suddenly disappeared without trace. There was no announcement on Facebook, no announcement on Twitter. Even the moderators on the fairly active Terrarium TV subreddit seemed to have few ideas as to what was going on.
Theories are numerous but most center around the developer, who’s resident in Asia, going on some kind of hiatus. Why that would require the Terrarium TV website to be taken down isn’t clear. Neither does it explain why the Terrarium TV site Github repo was taken down too.
Terrarium movies
But alongside the ‘break’ theory is one that legal trouble, either actual or simply the fear of it, is what’s underlying the apparent limbo in which the app now sits. That was confirmed this week by the developer, who told one of the app’s subreddit moderators that he’d be lying low, at least for a while.
“I’ve decided to shut down the official website and maybe soon will also shut down the Github repository hosting the apk files in order to avoid any potential legal issues,” he said.
After a short exchange in the summer, Terrarium TV’s developer didn’t return our recent requests for comment but if he had, we’d have certainly asked him about the future development of the app, framed around the Popcorn Time situation.
Despite many legal attacks, the open source nature of Popcorn Time allowed the project to ‘fork’ in several different directions, with various teams continuing development. Terrarium TV, on the other hand, is closed source meaning that when it’s gone, it’s possibly gone for good.
At the moment it’s still available for download from sources listed in the sidebar of its dedicated subreddit but whether the dev will decide to revisit the project again is unclear at this point. If he does not, it seems likely that the system will degrade over time although at the moment it carries out its tasks automatically, which is impressive in itself.
In the meantime, its hundreds of thousands of users will just have to cross everything – and wait.

Letter to Santi

My wish list to Shaz the s-i-l was duly dispatched yesterday, requesting certain items from Blighty.

I got the reply 

🎵And a partridge in a pear tree🎵 

Do you think she was being sarky?  😁

Not Perfect

We used the new, larger and improved food processor to make a batch of food but it didn't pan out without mishap.  The lid did lock down yet it still leaked sending scalding hot liquid through the crack of the spout and slit in the lid where you can pour in stuff.

It will need less initial volume to work properly and I think the addition of a plastic bag over the top will be prudent to avoid repeated cleaning off of flying food debris.

That said, the final soup was delicious and the best by far.  Yummy.

Viz Bits

Roger’s Profanisaurus – lager log

Post Mortum

We haven't been back to Soi 93 since the party but tonight it's beer/darts time again and I look forward to hearing how the celebrations went.  I am sure memories were slightly hazy towards the end so it's always nice to look back and fill in the missing pieces.

Justifiably Brilliant

I can't recall seeing anything more fitting than the final episode of Justified.  The levels of acting were quite incredible and the way they signed off just couldn't have been better.

A truly wonderful series most definitely in my top five of all time and we are so sad to see it finish.  That said, it's the only way to bow out with class.

I implore you to see this series (six seasons)- you will not see better.  ktelontour highly recommended.

Thank Fuck for That

We have finally seen the back of Dexter and I still can't get over how piss poor the saga reached its conclusion.  Majorly disappointed would barely cover it.  I won't go back over old ground to say how preposterous it became but I am sooo pleased it is over and we can look forward to better things.

Avoid at all costs anything that came up after the series with John Lithgow- you will thank me for this tip, trust me.

But Minor Movement

Our pool is once open for business and after almost a fortnight of nothing happening, a lad came along and simply put the covers back over the pumps and wandered off five minutes later.

The water itself is still murky and has bits floating in it so I won't be going in until that is all cleaned up but with luck we shall have full access soon.

I have to admit, there is nowt like a Christmas morning dip to clear the head following the night before.  And it makes me chuckle to think of everyone back in Europe freezing their tits off while I am wallowing in water so warm it could double up as a bath.

And On and On

My on-going saga to obtain a refund from the shysters at Gatwick Express/Flyer or whatever they are called, is still on-going and it continues to send my patience levels to new bounds.  My latest reply after they thank me for "further insight" following my previous correspondence.

I wonder how they intend to stall next time?

What further insight?  I have merely repeated exactly what I have said all along.

I also do not understand what you mean by "gesture of goodwill".  I paid in full for tickets that were not received, as reported to you on 19th September and only want what I am legally entitled to.  We are now 13th December, well over 12 weeks since alerting you to our concern and yet I am still waiting for repayment.

However, in light of the fact you are trying to resolve my refund, please see attached boarding passes showing we flew into Heathrow instead of Gatwick on 7th October and coach tickets showing our alternative journey back to Gatwick on 8th October.

I trust this now satisfies whatever "audit trails"* you mention.

Yours, blah, blah...

*By the way, prior to my retirement I worked in Quality Assurance with General Electric of America and I audited several companies both domestically and internationally for the ISO 9001: 2000 Quality Standards (Quality Management Systems and their requirements).  Should I have been presented with objective evidence as I have already provided I would have happily accepted it without further filibustering or dragging this affair out.

C & H

Tuesday, 12 December 2017

Well Said

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
Bill WattersonCalvin and Hobbes
US cartoonist (1958 - )

Keith Chegwin

Keith Chegwin

Dead at 60 after a long battle with lung disease.  That's no age for someone to die.  How very sad.

News Thump

After David Davis said he didn’t have to be very clever to do his job, negotiators for the EU have admitted that they are extremely grateful that this is the case.
After David Davis revealed himself as an intellectual lightweight on national radio, Chief negotiator for the EU, Michel Barnier, explained to reporters that there was nothing surprising in the revelation.
He told them, “No, it doesn’t not surprise me. You can tell by how well the negotiations are going – from our side, obviously.
“There is nothing worse than negotiating with someone who is very clever.
“They have often thought through the implications of every potential position they’re negotiating from, and can often have plans B, C and D lined up behind their plan A if things go in a different direction.
“It’s extremely difficult to get exactly what you want when you’re facing one of these super-bright people across a negotiating table.
“Thankfully, the UK chose David Davis, who openly admits he’s not very clever and for some reason seems to consider this a virtue.”
Others inside the EU have spoken out, announcing their surprise at Davis’ public admission.
Another member of the EU negotiating team told us, “I know there will be some Brexit supporters who will say this is a bluff on Mr Davis’ part, and others will insist that he’s lulling us into a false sense of security by describing himself as not very clever.
“Well, I’ve sat across from him in these meetings, and let me tell you, this admission is the most honest thing he’s told the British public in years.”

Doing it the Hard Way

Having overcome Real Madrid and Dortmund, we now get Juventus in the knock out stages of the Champions League.  Looks like another bare cupboard this season...

Champions League last-16 draw

Juventus v Tottenham (13 February and 7 March)
Basel v Manchester City (13 February and 7 March)
Porto v Liverpool (14 February and 6 March)
Sevilla v Manchester United (21 February and 13 March)
Real Madrid v PSG (14 February and 6 March)
Shakhtar Donetsk v Roma (21 February and 13 March)
Chelsea v Barcelona (20 February and 14 March)
Bayern Munich v Besiktas (20 February and 14 March)


In 1907, an ad campaign for Kellogg's Corn Flakes offered a free sample of cereal to any woman who would wink at her grocer.

Swimming Pool Watch

Yes, it's the same photo as last week because precisely fuck all has happened since.  We haven't even seen one gadgy going for a fag.  This is getting silly.

Viz Bits

Roger’s Profanisaurus – period pain

New Toy

Today the new food processor will get its christening as I hope to make a batch of veggie soup.  The old unit we gave to Khun Ayr who will hopefully be able to make use of it.  We found it to small for our use and now have a much bigger version.  Can't wait.

So Sad

And while we have Dexter lurching down the toilet bowl, we have the other end of the spectrum in Justified.

What a superb finale to a cracking series, easily right up there with The Sopranos, The Wire, Deadwood and Breaking Bad.

We have been on the edge of our seats for the last half a dozen episodes and today we finally get the last show.  It will be heartily missed once complete but at least the writers are leaving on a high- maybe other shows should have taken a leaf out this particular book?

Almost Done, Thank Fuck*

We have the last episode of Dexter to watch later today and I can't wait to see the back of it.  The final series (8) has been utterly awful, the worst out of all of them- and that is saying something indeed.  Preposterous "plot" wooden, repetitive, acting, as if the cast all knew it was just a cash cow and just plain snot.  It was always going to be a little bit silly for the Miami Plod to employ a serial killer as a blood splatter analyst but this takes things too far and makes a mockery of what began as a really good show.

Like many American series though, they just don't know when to stop and I keep waiting for Fonzie to make an appearance with his water skis.

*Done for effect as it's all Debs can say, all the time.  Lazy and unimaginative.


They were having a sale on at Rama 9- 4 Tb HDD for THB 4 000 for the desktop (powered) units and THB 4 300 for the non-powered jobbies.  Couldn't decide which one to get so ended up buying both and we're now broke for the next month or so.

Eagle-Eyed Readers

Aye, 'tis 03:45 and once again I seem to be wide awake.  And it's not as if it is Christmas and Santa is due.  I wish I could get a lie in once in a while.

C & H

Monday, 11 December 2017

Well Said

The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.
Napoleon Bonaparte
French general & politician (1769 - 1821)



Georgia Toffolo

Right then, have a guess who this is?

Nope, nor me, haven't the foggiest- nor do I care.  But I'll put you out of your misery, she is Georgia Toffolo, winner of this year's I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here.

Apparently she is a "reality star" called Toff but I still have no idea what she does, who she is or why she is "famous".  She's in good company, mind.  Previous winners include Scarlett Moffatt and Vicky Pattinson.

All together now, who?


News Thump

Boris Johnson
Foreign secretary Boris Johnson has promised to be sensitive as he visits Iran for crucial talks.
The bloated bumblegit arrived in Iran yesterday to discuss a number of topics, including the possible release of Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, who faces a longer prison sentence thanks to Boris Johnson’s idiotic mouth.
The Foreign Secretary will call for the release of the 37-year-old mother-of-one on humanitarian grounds, amid fears that he will just turn the whole situation into even more of an almighty cock-up.
Seeking to reassure his critics, Boris told reporters, “Well, here I am in the land of bad breath and flying carpets. I mean, Persia. That is to say, Iran. Golly, it is hard to keep up, what?
“Anyway, I’ll be meeting with the Iranian equivalent of a prime minister, if such a person exists, and I’m sure we’ll clear up this little business of Nazanin in no time at all, and she’ll be on the next flight home.”
Beaming proudly he added, “All I have to do is remember to say she is a spy.
“What’s that? Oh yes – oops. She’s NOT a spy. That’s the one.
“My word, it is a good job one can’t get fired from Theresa May’s cabinet for incompetence, isn’t it?”

Tongue Twisters

Get a Grip

The UK has snow and immediately the country grinds to a stop.  Chaos on roads and railways, disrupted flights, power cuts, yellow warnings from the Met Office and hundreds of school to stay closed today.

Two words.  Laughing stock.

Happy Non-Birthday

As per tradition, I got a non-birthday present and wifey excelled herself this year.  A new food processor.

The freebie from Tesco-Lotus' stamp offer was simply too small to be of use for making soup and so we now have a full sized unit with additional bits to hopefully make mince meat of anything we chuck at it.

And most importantly, the lid is lockable and so should stay on to prevent covering walls- and me.


Goosebumps are actually caused by a muscle. It is called the arrector pili muscle.

Viz Bits

Roger’s Profanisaurus – alien

But Not so Good

For the Toon or Bielefeld, who both lost over the weekend.  Newcastle (losing to Leicester at home 3 - 2) drop to 16th but Arminia aren't as badly off, sitting in sixth.

Match Report

Mark Hughes said he “didn’t see that second half coming”. What was worse, his players didn’t see it as it happened. Tottenham raced away to turn a first-half advantage into a full-time supremacy here and, in the process, cast further doubt on Hughes’s tenure as Stoke manager.
The statistics from Saturday’s game were as follows: Ryan Shawcross’s own goal gave Spurs a first-half lead for only the second time in the Premier League at Wembley; Harry Kane scored twice, taking his total for England and Spurs in 2017 to 50, and leaving him just three short of Alan Shearer’s Premier League record of 36 in a calendar year (with four more matches to play); Son Heung-min scored once and claimed two assists in a man-of-the-match performance; the South Korean also gave a chasing to poor Tom Edwards, Stoke’s 18-year-old wing-back who was withdrawn before the end.
Spurs, for a moment at least, close the gap on the top four to one point. They also steady any nerves after a run of two points from four matches. “The collective performance was very good,” said the Tottenham manager, Mauricio Pochettino. “Maybe it was no better than other days that we play here, against West Bromwich Albion, or [away] at Watford and Arsenal but we were clinical in front of goal. We had a good mentality and most importantly, good focus from the beginning.”
Pochettino had called a team meeting before this match to emphasise the importance of a good start. Spurs had scored twice in the first half against Apoel Nicosia in the Champions League in midweek and the Argentinian was determined that his side finally brought something similar to bear on their league form. The opening 20 minutes failed to oblige and the elements were all too familiar; a massed Stoke defence, not much movement, frustrating touches from Dele Alli and crosses cleared before they could reach Kane.
Then in the 21st minute, Son made the breakthrough. The liveliest of Spurs’ attackers (unlike Kane and Christian Eriksen, he had played against Apoel), the Korean was facing up against Edwards on the left wing. He shuffled the ball from one foot to the other to gain a yard on the teenager but that was enough. Son got his cross off, it took a deflection off Kurt Zouma and Shawcross put the ball into his own net.
Hughes bemoaned his luck with the goal. “It was an unfortunate deflection to take the lead,” he said. “You don’t want to concede first against Spurs away from home. But we had a number of good moments.” This was a bit of an exaggeration, though they had a couple of moments that might have come to something had the bounce fallen their way. When the whistle blew for half-time, however, Stoke were seriously under the cosh.
Hughes said his half-time teamtalk focussed on staying in the match. “The plan was to keep a foothold in the game, not to go gung-ho,” he said, “that would have been ridiculous.” But either his players did not understand the instructions or they ignored them.
Stoke pressed forward from the first whistle in the second half , committing more numbers in attack. In the 53rd minute they had the ball in the Tottenham half, but when possession was turned over they were in trouble. A blocked through ball bobbled up to Harry Winks. The youth-team graduate, so calm wherever he finds possession, flicked a pass over his shoulder and casually pulled the entire Stoke defence apart. Alli received the ball, span, slipped a pass through the advanced centre-backs and Son ran on to finish clinically for a deserved goal.
At that point the floodgates opened. Just a minute later Kane, who had missed a glorious first-half chance when one on one with Stoke goalkeeper Jack Butland, scored from an Eriksen cross with a powerful header. With 65 minutes gone he sealed the game with the kind of calm, composed finish that has made his name, leaving Butland no chance at his left-hand post.
Alli, still struggling for his best form but having contributed where it mattered, was withdrawn for Érik Lamela, the Argentinian continuing his rehabilitation from injury. In a bizarre move, Hughes responded by going on the offensive, bringing off the young and shaken Edwards, and replacing him with Peter Crouch.
“I wouldn’t have put him in if didn’t think he could handle it,” Hughes said of Edwards, whose only other league start came in the 7-2 defeat at Manchester City in October. “He’s been unfortunate in the games I’ve chosen for him.”
Crouch’s 74th-minute header was cleared by Kieran Trippier to Son who ran the length of the pitch before threading in Eriksen for Spurs’s fifth. Stoke did get on the scoresheet, Shawcross heading in after Hugo Lloris missed a corner in the 80th minute. But the Stoke captain could not bring himself to celebrate.
Now three points off the drop zone and unable to keep a clean sheet, Stoke are being dragged into a relegation battle. You wonder what Tony Pulis might be making of it all?

Missed the Game

Only in Bangkok can you have a frantic birthday party and have the whole Tottenham game showing live on a huge drop down screen.  As mentioned, I missed all the goals but can catch up with the match on MotD later, and I was quite stunned to see the final score.  5 - 1 against Stoke, usually no push over at all.

Can't wait to see that replay.

Birthday Presents

I have quite a reputation for buying wifey crap for her birthday.  If she is really unlucky, it's worse than crap and just practical and useful.  In the past we have had an electric typewriter, a kettle, a waterproof apron with matching tea towels and rubber washing up gloves (a particular favourite of mine, wifey was less than enthused), a hot water bottle, a tin of soup- the list goes on.  Above you will see this year's stellar offerings:

  • a mini Nerf gun for shooting people on the telly (I sure will get a lot of use out of that)
  • Bisto vegetarian gravy granules (no, this was before we picked up the cheap lot due to a pricing error)
  • a fully adjustable wrist strengthener (to build up muscle and strength in wifey's knackered left hand)
  • a telescopic walking stick (handy for her fecked up foot until she gets her op)
  •  Yoga mat 
  • 2018 diary
  • mini dustpan and brush (for use with her dolls house)
I'd be well made up with that haul but she was not overly impressed.

But it matters not, come Christmas she will be more than chuffed- then come the real presents.